Hello Goodbye

Hello everyone (probably for the last time)! I'm alive (though that was a bit of a close call), I have finally, finally left Asia behind me (and I remind everyone to regularly remind me never to go back there) and I've made it the last stop on my tour - South Africa!

Let me just quickly recap the rest of my time in Asia: it sucked balls. Majorly. More storms, more cancelled tours (all in all a total of 4 days of actually seeing things vs. 12 days of seeing nothing), and to add insult to injury (or in that case, injury to insult): the day before my flight to Boracay (the one stop I was actually still looking forward to), I got really, really sick with...who knows what. Started out as an AC-induced bronchitis, pretty sure there was some dengue-like tropical virus in there as well, though, cause bronchitis does not explain the hell I went through the past week. Cause I've had bronchitis and stuff before, but I have never, ever felt this rotten before. So, all I managed to do on Boracay was lie in bed and feel utterly miserable for the whole time I was there. That was pretty much the most expensive sickbed I've ever had. Somehow managed to make it to Manila and from there somehow managed to make it to Singapore, where I was hoping to get a seat on one of the free city tours Singapore Airline offers its guests during my 8 hour layover. All that was looking pretty good as well: we arrived on time, I found the tour desk pretty quickly, there were only like 4 other people in front of me. And then it turned out, out of these 4 people, 3 were Indians who were either holding the line for like, 7 other people each or they simply were booking seats for 20 members of their family who couldn't be bothered getting in line themselves. So needless to say: no Singapore tour for Nicole and Indians have been newly added to my Asia shitlist. In short: fuck Asia. "Miss Nicole" is out.

So. South Africa. Despite a couple of slightly weird experiences so far (pretty sure my first Uber experience was also my last, for instance) and the weather holding for exactly one whole day before Nicole weather set in again (yesterday: blue skies and 37°C, today: grey skies, 20°C), so far at least I like it. It is quite possible, though, that all the baby animals I've stumbled upon in Krüger NP the past couple of days are kinda screwing with my perception a bit. But OMFG, why didn't anyone ever tell me how cute baby hyenas are? I don't care that they were the bad guys in Lion King, they're just to die for. Not to mention how adorably clumsy and tiny newborn elephants are? (Ok, ok, I'll stop. In short: Nicole likes safaris.). Tomorrow it's the Panorama Route for me and then I'm off to Cape Town, which is already my very last stop on this trip.

It's really weird, this trip feels incredibly long and incredibly short at the same time. The Philippines definitely felt like the longest fucking two weeks of my life, though, and they kinda changed my whole feeling for the trip. I'm kinda glad this is the last country, but I'm also not sure yet whether I actually want to go home. I think if the whole Asia fiasco hadn't happened, I'd still be up for more, but seeing as I'm still on like, 4 different medications and my clothes are starting to become mildewy from all the humidity, it's probably time to call it a day next week (not that I have a choice on that anyway). And I have the encore in December anyway (unless Eurowings decides to go strike next, which - knowing me and my immense luck when it comes to things like that - would definitely be par for the course).

So, countdown's on - a week from now, Germany should have me back!

Dear Asia, we're breaking up

So. Guess who hates the fucking country she's in right now, but which shall remain nameless for now because I'm pretty sure I had to sign something to the extent of "if you talk shit about  this place you won't like the consequences" when I came in? THIS whiny wanderer!

Honestly, Asia and me don't seem to go together in any capacity. So please, next time I start talking about planning a vacation to any Asian country, stop me and remind me of this moment. I'm begging you. It's like the last 6 weeks went too well, so now we're just piling on all the bullshit at once.

After almost 30 hours of sitting around, standing in lines, and trying to get comfortable in economy class for 10+ hours, I finally arrived where I am. Though I'm pretty sure that was already a close call, considering the last plane was held together with duct tape (I swear to god, we weren't allowed to board yet and were all standing in front of the plane watching the guy trying to fix it to the wing with his walkie talkie) and apparently only had oxygen masks for those passengers smuggling sharp objects in their hand luggage (please refer to Facebook for details). The hotel was alright, not exactly what I would have gotten in Germany for that very, very European price, but okay. Only their credit card terminal was broken. And considering the amount of money you can get out of ATMs here is limited and I wasn't expecting to have to pay cash, that made for an unexpected adventure trip to the nearest ATM. I swear I'm gonna get run over by...some sort of vehicle one of these days here. Let's just say streets, sidewalks, traffic, traffic laws - all very loose concepts here.

First tour the next day. Weather: complete shit. I thought monsoon was supposed to be over by now, but apparently I was misinformed. And word to the wise (or, you know, tour guides all over): when you're swimming around a lagoon while it is pouring, trying to convince yourself that you're still having a good time, the "OMG, it's raining, you're going to get wet!" joke gets old after...well, the first time you make it.

When I came back to the hotel that night, I was a bit surprised that my AC was turned off. Turns out: on Sundays there's only enough electricity to keep the lights going. Via a generator. So it's 30°C, what feels like 97% humidity and the AC isn't working, there's no warm water (which is great when the second-most popular joke of the day was "If you're passing a warm spot when you're swimming it's probably because someone just peed in the lake") and you're not allowed to throw your toilet paper into the toilet (also something I'm never, ever gonna get used to in Asia). Plus: mosquito in my room, so now half my arm is swollen up and if I don't get malaria, I'll probably end up with dengue fever or something knowing my luck.

Next day: complete touring chaos. Was placed on the wrong boat, when I realized it and complained that I really didn't want to do yesterday's tour AGAIN, it turned out the tour I had booked wasn't even scheduled for that day, so they were looking for a boat and a tour guide for me for almost 2 hours until we finally got going, just for the tour guide to have no idea what islands we were actually supposed to go to...and I'll spare you the rest. More rain, more confusion, more time on the boat than on any island, bla bla.

So I was kinda looking forward to leaving this place behind and move on. Got up early, went to the ATM (cause surprise, next hotel wants to be paid in cash AGAIN), got a whole bag full of stuff from the bakery for a buck, basically sat on my packed suitcase....and then my ferry got canceled. I was able to get a room for another night at my hotel, but I had to switch rooms and the new one smells totally like mildew and in order to get the dampness under control I had to crank up the AC to max, so now I'm sitting here in long pants and a hoodie, because it's so cold (update: yeeeaaah, probably shouldn't have complained about that. Had another brownout and now the AC isn't working at all anymore). Took a tricycle to the ferry office to find out what happens next only for my tricylce driver to have no idea where that actually was, so he randomly dropped me at every ferry office he could find until we finally made it to the right one. So now I'm stuck here, I'm paying for 2 hotel rooms, I'm paying for a tour tomorrow that I'm not gonna be on because I'm stuck on the wrong island and can't get in touch with the tour operator, I have no idea if I will actually make it to the right island tomorrow because I won't know until the morning if the ferry will even run and if I do, it's basically just to do one tour before I have to take a van all day to my next destination. If that van ever runs, because for some reason every single day is fully booked - only on Friday I am the only person booked on any of the departures and they need 5 people to run the service. So hey, maybe I'll get stuck in the next fucking place then.

Have I mentioned I hate this country? I'd say "hey, it can only get better from here", but I said that yesterday and look where it got me. It's like all the fears I had beforehand about it are coming true. And I still have 12 more days before it's time to leave. Next time I'm gonna listen to my gut again. Asia, you and me - we're done.

UPDATE: Yeah, ferry didn't run AGAIN today. So I had to switch to yet another mildew-infested room but hey, at least the van service that I won't need now finally confirmed my booking and now wants money from me, so there's that. Caved earlier and simply bought an effing expensive plane ticket for tomorrow to somewhere that's not here, but knowing my luck, they're gonna close the airport down or something before I even make it to my flight...

Things I've learned so far: the Kiwi edition

So it's the evening before I leave New Zealand and I just realized I haven't told you what I've learned here yet! So that's gotta be remedied before I start worrying about the Philippines.

• If Earth ever gets invaded by aliens, New Zealand won't even notice. They have the absolute weirdest and coolest clouds here that look like an ongoing alien invasion. I mean, just google "New Zealand Clouds". Today was a prime example. I haven't taken as many pictures of clouds since the first time I flew in a plane and spent a whole roll of film on it.
  
• They have the coolest birds. Take the California Quail for instance. Not only do they look totally stylish, they either can't fly or just don't wanna. In any case, when you get too close to them, they run away from you. As in, for minutes they just run in front of you with their tiny little legs before they finally throw themselves very dramatically into the bushes (just look at them go, starting at 0:35). Let's just say I've had a lot of fun with that fact and leave it at that.
  
• They constantly tell you there's gonna be penguins and then, nothing. It's a bit like the koala scam of 2006 (Although there were koalas in the end then. Pretty much no chance of penguins here anymore.).
  
• They're very pragmatic people. When the fire alarm in my hotel room went off 7 times in the span of an hour the other night, the owner's solution when I woke him at 3am was simply "just take it off and throw it in the rubbish". Well, it solved the problem.
  
• They're the masters of road signs. Stumbled upon this one today and that one the other day:

 

• They very obviously mark rental cars as rental cars. At first I thought that's to make it easier for thieves to see who might have a lot of valuables in the car, but after three weeks behind the wheel here, I'm pretty sure it's to let the locals know they have another idiot tourist in front of them who doesn't understand that speed limits aren't suggestions that mean you can simply drive half that speed if you prefer looking around instead of concentrating on traffic. (It's probably a good thing that I'm done with rental cars tomorrow. My road rage is reaching its peak.) 
  
• They have the funniest town names. It's like the Sydney rail map all over again. Either you can't pronounce them or you can, which usually isn't any better. I went hiking in Hooker Valley the other day, saw Lake Tikitapu and spent the night in Kaka Point. Just as a few examples.
  
• Instead of traffic lights, they have people holding "Stop" and "Go" signs when there are road works and one lane is closed. And those guys wave to every single car that goes by. They also sometimes sleep on the job and that's how the other day I was in the middle of a one lane construction area when suddenly I had a line of oncoming traffic right in front of me who all expected ME to move for some reason.   

• Heating blankets are a really big thing there. I think I've had them in every bed. And they are AMAZING. I might consider an investment when I get back home.

Alright. There's probably more, but that's all my brain can come up with right now. I should probably finish packing (...again) and get to bed. I just realized I have another four weeks to go and I don't know why. There should only be three. I have no idea where the fourth week is coming from. I'm kinda starting to lose the plot here.

When it rains, it pours

Well, hello to the 3 people still reading this! I'm still alive (as witnessed on Instagram), the South Island has given me my mojo back, mostly (...although I've given myself way, way too much time in each place. If you're not into 8-hour hikes, bungee jumping, jetboating or other crazy activities, there really isn't enough to see in most places to fill two or three complete days. So basically I could have seen twice as much if I'd planned a bit more like...me?), and...I'm already in my last week in New Zealand. How did that happen?

Right now I'm sitting in my room in Te Anau (the "Gateway to Milford Sound", if you were wondering), looking at a picture of a lake that someone put in front of my window (cause my room most definitely has a wall view, not a lake view, even if the hotel name suggests something different), my room smells like wet dog, it is pouring (and has been for most of the 200km it took to get here), the road to Milford Sound is closed due to avalanche risk because of all the rain and it's still unclear whether it will open again tomorrow (because the weather isn't exactly foreceast to get any better) and there is absolutely nothing to do here. Well, you could do a completely overprized 65€ glowworm cave tour, which seems to involve crossing the lake and then hovering under the same little patch of glowworms for half an hour if the reviews are to be believed, or visit the outdoor bird sanctuary where the birds mostly hide from the tourists (and who can blame them) and which doesn't sound too appealing right now anyway considering it's pouring. So let's hope that road opens up again, or I'm gonna go stir-crazy here.

Fun fact, though: for some reason, whenever I check into a place, I get a bottle of milk? Not sure if they're just very aware of their calcium needs here, but it's kinda cute. Unfortunately, the milk bottles look like cleaning products, so at first I really wasn't sure what was going on, but now I've taken to drinking milk every morning (which I never do at home).

Anyway. Today's weather mishap aside, I'm actually a really big fan of the South Island (constant gale-force winds notwithstanding). The North for some reason really wasn't my cup of tea (aside from Hobbiton of course), but the South Island is really, really gorgeous. Funny thing, the day after I complained about the curvy streets on the North Island, the South Island gave me about 100km of practially completely straight road as if to apologize for its little sibling. Driving here is a lot more fun in general. The views are usually amazing (even though I can't check them out as much as I want considering I have to pay attention to traffic) and I've had quite a few "wow"-moments. So if you ever plan on coming to NZ, just skip the North. Or spend as little time there as possible. 

Alright. I'm gonna go bring an offering to the rain gods to make it stop out there. Not only so I can leave my room sometime today, but also so I didn't drive through all that mayhem for nothing...

Travelling...urgh.

I think I might be suffering from a case of travel fatigue. I don't know if that's because I'm a really, really lazy person at heart and being out and about all day every single day for a month now has just taken it out of me or if it's that, to be honest, New Zealand so far hasn't really blown me away or if it's something completely different, but urgh. All I wanna do is stay at my hotel and sleep for three days straight. In Canada, I stopped at every opportunity I could to take some pix, here I don't feel like stopping anywhere at the moment. The weather all week has been somewhere between mediocre and abysmal (and the South Island is supposed to get worse AND colder to boot, so I better get used to it...), I feel like everything is...not even far apart, but it takes forever to get anywhere, so I feel like I spend half the day in the car and most of the streets these past few days were basically 40 or 50km at a time just curve after curve after curve (and when I say curves I mean the kind that you need to drive 30 or 40 to get around), so you have to concentrate on driving so much, you don't really have the chance to look left or right and check out the environment you're actually driving through. Plus, for some reason all these curve-speeds are suggested speeds and the actual speed limit on these streets is still 100km/h (no idea why), so you always have someone glued to your bumper who's unhappy with you following the suggested speeds, so I feel pressured to drive faster and urgh. I'm just tired. Of driving, of the weather, of repacking my suitcase, of never being able to buy anything cause I'm already over the baggage allowance in the Philippines, of feeling like if I don't do something today I won't get the chance again.

I think part of the problem is actually that I'm not really allowing myself many breaks. Whenever I do spend a few hours at the hotel during the day I immediately feel bad about it, especially if the weather is nice. It's always a case of "If I don't do it now the weather's gonna be too bad for it later" (which has actually happened a few times) or "I'm gonna regret it later if I'm not doing more now" or "I'm only here here once, so I gotta do/see as much as possible". It's really kinda exhausting.

I really hope I'll get my mojo back on the South Island. For now, I think I'll mindlessly stare at the television for a few hours before I have to repack AGAIN for my flight to Christchurch tomorrow.

Bula and welcome to...wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff

So I got on a plane in L.A. on Thursday evening and when I got off 11 hours later, it was suddenly two days later and instead of me being 9 hours behind you, you're now 10 hours behind me. Time travel is weird, guys.

And for those of you who don't know, „bula“ means „hello“ or „welcome“ in Fijian. Even though it feels like they use it for everything they want. Or maybe they just do that with the tourists. I think I had to scream „Bula!“ about 70 times in the past few days.

But anyway, who has two thumbs and spent her day puking over the side of a boat yesterday? This Whiny Wanderer! Hello seasickness my old nemesis friend. If this is how it’s going to go, then I was obviously worried about the wrong end of things when it comes to the Phillipines. In my defense, though, Sarah from Australia did the same thing on the other side of the boat, so at least I wasn’t alone in my misery. And my tour group was very sweet. Three people gave me motion sickness pills, I got ginger chews, herbs to smell, people kept bringing me water or just came by to tell me how sorry they were I was feeling like shit. Once we finally made it to Modriki (the island where they filmed Cast Away and apparently also Survivor) and I could take a pill that stayed down for longer than 5 minutes, I started actually feeling better, though. And hey, look who I found there:

However, to add insult to injury I am burned to hell. My back is pretty much raw (and the back of my thighs joined into the fun yesterday). Even my shirt touching it hurts like hell. I don’t know what exactly happened, because SPF50 really is my friend, but ouch. So much ouch. I can’t sleep on my back or my side, I can’t lean against things, I can’t even actually really sit, but that really can’t be helped. I was kinda hoping it's day three, I should start feeling better, but we’ve reached agony levels today. I feel a big peeling session coming on soon. Not sure how I’m gonna make it through the next days considering I can’t really carry my backpack, but I guess I’ll have to improvise a bit.

Despite all that I have to say, though, that Fiji really is very pretty and the people are very, very sweet. Took them only about 5 minutes after me leaving the airport to become concerned about me not having a husband and children at my advanced age. No, but honestly, everybody’s been really nice. Got greeted by a couple of skirt-wearing ukulele-playing singers when I arrived at five in the morning and singing overall seems to be a big thing here. Lots of very nice Australians to chat with, too. And they have lamingtons! OMG, I didn’t even know how much I’ve missed these. And raspberry lamingtons at that. Not sure I ever had these in Australia.

Was forced to take part in a traditional Kava ceremony on Saturday, because apparently you haven’t been to Fiji if you’ve never done that and let me just say…wow, not sure I’ve ever had to drink anything more disgusting. Looked like used dishwater, tasted even worse and let me tell you, that taste stays with you for a looooong time. But hey, all in the name of intercultural exchange…or something.

Anyway. I think I also realized why I haven't won the lottery yet: Because I'd be a really shitty rich person. I've been staying at this resort in Fiji and it's not even a particularly nice one. Looks like one at first and then you realize your fridge is broken, your tv is from the '70s, you share your bathroom with quite a few creepy-crawlies (including a persistent mosquito who got me 4 times - so now I'm hoping there's no dengue fever in my future...) and soundproofing is a non-existent concept in the place (which is especially amazing when you have about a dozen roosters closeby who start their damn jabbering at 4 in the morning). And yet, behind every corner there's some guy waiting to rip your bags from your hands - not to steal them, but to carry them for you or to open doors for you or close them for you (and then of course expect a tip). I am very much capable of carrying my own purse, thank you very much. Plus, I don't have tipping random luggage carriers and door openers in the budget dammit. This stuff is freaking me out. As also evidenced by the business class freak-out of 2018.

Alright. Next stop: New Zealand. Where it's 20 degrees colder and the weather predicts nothing but shit conditions wherever I go. Well. I guess it had to catch up to me sometime...

Confessional

So. A few confessions.

1. I'm over rocks. Even if they’re pretty. Made my way from Page to Las Vegas the other day and stopped at the Valley of Fire on the way and ...urgh. Don’t get my wrong, it’s a nice park. Interesting rocks and all. Not to mention the name was even accurate temperature-wise, too. But after Arches, Monument Valley, Antelope Canyon, Horseshoe Bend, Bryce Canyon and Zion, my level of excitement regarding rocks has dwindeled to...pretty much zero? A 2 out of 10? Good thing then I had another National Park on the list today. Last one, though, before I’m off to Fiji tomorrow night. (That is, if I survive L.A. Can you tell yet I’m worried about L.A.?) And it had cacti. And (Joshua) trees. So the rocks were more...decoration. And I still find it weird to see cacti out in the open instead of in their natural environment in my living room.

2. I kinda don’t really like Vegas? Which...seems to be new? Cause I really, really remember hating L.A., but I have no such memories about Vegas. And they were both part of the same vacation back in the day. Granted, I liked it better after the sun went down yesterday (honestly, you just have to spend an hour at the m&m world and poof, sun gone, instantly better), which is probably the only way people should see Vegas anyway, but still, meh.

3. I might have a slight obsession with m&m worlds. I’ve been to every single one in the world multiple times (except Shanghai, cause honestly, when the fuck did they open one in Shanghai??) and I always buy something (so yes, I broke the “no buying anything because I have too much luggage already” rule). In my defense, I always try to buy something that is useful. And in this case, doesn’t take up much space. So I did say no to the 3$ blanket they wanted to sell me at checkout (which I really, really wanted) and opted for a pair of socks. Yellow of course. Cause Yellow is my spirit animal.

4. Also, pumpkin Reese’s are an abomination. That’s not really a confession, but it needed to be said.  What's with this weird pumpkin obsession anyway?

Alright. I gotta go get packin’. Packing for flying is so much more involved than packing for the car for some reason. And then I gotta decide whether I’m gonna get up for sunrise tomorrow or whether I’m too lazy. (My bets are on “too lazy”, but hey, I’ve surprised myself before…)